Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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