I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
