he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
