The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love you. Go after that dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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