The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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