Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
