she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All the doctor said was why
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
