Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
