sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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