hotel room ftw
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
