I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
