1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
