I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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