last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
