FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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