Apparently you make a good broom.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
foreskin is a definite game changer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
