after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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