I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
