so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
