I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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