Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
