Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
