Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
