I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
