So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will die if light touches me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A bitchslap is in order.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
