It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
