What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
