You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
