I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
