I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
