bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
