people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
