Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
