when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
