i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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