Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
