wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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