Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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