I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
