Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
