How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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