I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
