You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
