Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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