Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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