I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
