I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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