I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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