I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
