I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
