the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
