Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
