And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
