We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
