I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
