Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
