I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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