I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
