Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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