what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
